happy randomness

so.. i know its been awhile since i wrote some fun stuff. so to brighten uo this blog, heres some stuff just for all of you!

1. happy merdeka to all malaysians!!!
2. happt birthday to my valentine, samantha! ur 16! god bless lots.hee!!! xP
3. my bf asked if girls get horny. sweat case!
4. i am hyper and sort off happy after having a party at my cousin/pet bros hse. it was pretty fun. met new friends.
5. life is super crazy ryte now. wish i had a double.
6. i love all of you! hee..

thats all ppl. gb always..

XOXO!!!
<3

of all the people!!!!

dont you find it frustrating when you meet your current partner's exs one by one?? i mean, how small can this world be after all?

first its a girl that cant seem to get over you. now its a girl who is way preetier and whom my parents know her parents. it gets on my nerves that they exist in this place with me. heck.. i feel damn jealous and even more unsecure. what the fucking matter is wrong?? am i going to meet all your ex one by one???

i dont know how to cope with this. i feel suffocated for some reason. lost for words.

i do a pretty good job of hiding how i really feel from you because i want our little time spent together to be a cherished memory.

but i wish that you knew me as well as i know you. then you can detect what i really feel inside when i am hiding from you.

you even still use the same email with her name on it. i might allow you to still use it. but inside of me a small person is screaming to not let  you use it.

if only you could understand how i really felt. if only you knew...

IF ONLY...

after it happened..

finally we are back in kl. after 3 days of being with you the whole time, i am missing your presence. its so lonely without you by my side.

baby dear,

i miss watching you sleep, miss feeding you, miss taking care of you. the only thing that is close to me by my heart is the necklace you boght for me with your name on it. i will forever wear it so that it will be close to me all the time.

i want you to be with me forever. to watch you sleep, looking so sweet and innocent and fragile. it makes me love you more and more. i feel protective to take care of you.

now it seems so lonely at home because you are not with me. a part of me is missing without you. i got used to you being by my side in the past 3 days. if only we could turn and freeze the time at that those days. i love you baby.. so much.

if only you were with me now...

one day..

yesterday was day 1 of my vacation with you and my family. the trip here was pretty fast wasnt it? i still remember waking you up in the morning to bathe. god! you were so cute and i felt terrible for needing to wake you up as i knew you didnt sleep much the night before.

then the trip in the car. we played chor tai ti. haha. it was funny as you were being frustrated after losing again and again. when you finally won the last game, you were so happy! like a small kid. we brought you to eat melaka fishball aka eepeah. and satay after that. all in just less than an hour. there was a baby there and i was playing with it. carried it around and keeping it entertained. i love babies, did you know that? they are so innocent and cute, just like you.

we also went swimming. saw you swimming for the first time. and i had leg cramp. you even offered to carry me back to the apartment. at night we went to eat satay celup. and you met my aunty and uncle. you were worried when my aunty said she had stomach pain, because she was pregnant. how sweet and caring of you!

we went to jonkers street and my mum bought a wrist band for you, me and my sister. we have the same band because i wanted it to remind you of our time together in melaka.

finally we settled at a pub and for the third time you were drinking. i was worried because you were pretty tired and so i told you to not finish the last glass of beer. instead, we gave half of it to my dad, a little to my sis and finally i drank it all..

and i even fell asleep on you. lol! it was so comfortable and yet noisy. when we finally went back to the hotel, we ended up talking or whispering on my bed before we finally decided to sleep. hee!!! we were sleeping in the same room!(to everyone who is reading this, we slept on separate beds and my sister was sleeping in the room with us too!)

if i had my way, baby dear, i would like it so much if we could spend our days and nights like this everyday of our lifes. but while i have you now, i will just remember this moments together. i hope you had fun baby dear. love you always! muah!!!! hugs!!!

yesterday, today and tomorrow.

me dear..

i am just so exhausted right now. i keep thinking about you even though you're just next to me. how do i cope with this feeling? i am confused.

i keep thinking of our past. for some reason, i think of our problems that we had. and i keep wishing that i can return in time so that i can keep those things that i did that hurt you from ever happening. remember those times that we argued and fought? i couldnt help but cry. it hurts me just to think about it. yet, most of our arguments took place because i missed you so much and kept being moody. isnt it just weird?

and then i'll also think of our time together.. sweet memories of us. the more i think of it, the more i realise that we have had more arguments than sweet memories.i just want us to have more happy mments but i dont know how to have those moments with you.

sometimes i wonder. if you ever regretted being with me. when i start thinking of this, i think of her. do u miss her? do you want her back? do you ever think of her more than a friend? i wish i could say that i dont want you to be friends with her, to look at her or contact her. but that just shows that i am being insecure. i'm trying to be matured about it but i find it so hard to control my emotions.

today...
i try to be happy because you are here with me. i get to take you along with my family on a vacation. but sadly.. i dont feel all that happy. i was excited. but seeing you now, how tired and moody you are. i worry so much about you. i dont know what to do to comfort you. how to cheer you up?? i feel so useless sometimes. i just wish that i knew what to do?!

tomorrow...

will it be better than today and all our yesterdays? i feel a fear of our future together. i know that i cant possibly live if you ever left me. but i would not stop you. i can only pray and hope that you wont. baby.. i just want to live happily my life with you by my side. what ever tomorrow holds in store, i will be able to live trough it with you at my side.

DEAR GOD,

once again i can only thank you for everything that you have given to me. i pray that you will keep him by my side and that no matter what he does or chooses, he will be happy. take care and protect him from harm and evil. THANK YOU.

love you always baby.. <3 <3

what if?

what if???

1. you decide that i am not worth it one day and leave me?
2. hurt me without meaning to and yet dont realise it?
3. decide that i am not good enough for you and go after another girl?
4. you think that life isnt worth to live and decide to leave me in tis cold and lonely world?
5. that your ex is better than me and that you  regret leaving her and want her back?

WHAT IF???
WHAT WOULD I DO THEN??
WILL I DECIDE TO TAKE MY LIFE AWAY AND JUST MAKE THE BIGGEST SIN IN MY LIFE??

OH JESUS, please help me. i am your humble servant. guide me.

BABY,
do you know how much you mean to me? how much i love you? how i cant live without you? how i wish that you can be with me every single moment of our life?

i cant stop thinking about you. you have turned my world upside down. there is nothing in this world that matters more than you.

and yet.. i still feel lonely and insecure when you are not with me. i feel upset when you unintentionally or intentionally flirt with other girls, or when you forget about me when you're with your brothers, or when you prefer to watch football than be with me.

i feel sad when you tell me that she is better than me(even when i ask you to tell me). i feel a fear in me that one day you might say that you you have seen the light and regret leaving her and want to be with her again. i feel angry when sometimes you say things that hurts me but you dont mean it on purpose yet you also dont realise that you have hurt me.

i often wondered what it would feel like to be falling in love so deeply with some one like in fairytales. i finally know what it feels like now. to feel all this emotions in me.. love, jealousy, sadness, happiness, joy, tears, frustration, upset, fear...

that is what it feels like when i am with you. i just cant help the negative feelings that i have sometimes. at night i would lie in bed and think of you and how much it would hurt if you break my heart and went back on all your promises to me. i would not be able to stand the pain and would rather stand in the middle of the road.

there is just so much that i need from you. yet...

i can only thank you for giving me this chance to be with you. no matter what happens, i am grateful because i had a chance to be your love. i would forgive you a million times over even when you have hurt me. i would never remember it because loving you is all that matters.

THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE BY MY SIDE AND TAKING CARE OF ME. FORGIVE ME FOR THE TIMES THAT I HAVE HURT YOU MYSELF. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. I PRAY FOR OUR HAPPINESS TOGETHER AND THAT YOU'LL AKWAYS BE BY MY SIDE.

OH DEAR GOD,

thank you for blessing me with this wonderful person. thank you for creating him and giving him to me. truly, mere words cannot describe how much i love him nor can it describe my gratefulness to you. you have created him to be so special. and i pray that my time with him will always be happy. may we always be happy together. may you take care of him when i am not with him, may no harm or evil befall him. i love him so much and cannot live without him.

i thank you dear lord once again for giving him to me and i love you too..

BABY.. THANK YOU FOR BEING APART OF MY LIFE. HUGS AND KISSES!! I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

leave him alone..

hey ppl,

have you ever think of how lucky you are when you finally meet that special some one?
have you ever felt protective of that some one when you see another person disturbing or teasing??
have you ever felt jealous when you see some one else flirting and trying to get that special some one's attention???

well, let me tell you that i have.

knowing my beloved is the best thing that happened to me. yet, i often feel unsecure and fear when he is not around by my side.

when my sister told me that her friends were curious about my boyfriend and wanted to check him out in fb, i could not even describe how intense my jealousy. i just couldnt and wouldnt imagine what it would feel like if he ever left me for some other girl. the pain...

and to see the girls face to face and trying to flirt with him. imagine how i felt when i see them doing that and with no other person but my BOYFRIEND! it is so hard to just ignore the anger in me and trying to control that emotion. haiz..

i just wish he would attract less attention from the opp sex. but what can i say?? he is irresistable..

oh well.. i guess that all i can do is trust in him. and warn all girls to stay away from him. he ony belongs to me. and please, stop wasting your time.. stop trying to hurt my relationship with him. i love him alot. and i cant live without him..

guess thats all for now. remember ppl, take care of ur beloved from predators who will try to steal them away fom you.

i pray to god to keep him safe from harm and that he will always be by my side and never leave me..

god bless!

xoxo <3

hey ppl..

have you ever thought about just being a kid forever??

remember when we were young and innocent? nothing to worry about, no problems to care.. just sheer joy and complete happiness..

and yet, here we are. all grown up and having to be independent. having to solve our own problems.. but the more we think and try to solve it, the more problems we seem to create!

it is as if the world is against us.

i've often wondered if  life is just playing a game with me.. i feel so afraid that one day i will lose everything.
especially that special some one. my beloved..

what if one day life decides that it has had enough fun and games with me and decide to steal him away from me? to leave me alone? to not have some one who i love and care for so much by side any longer?

i cant bear to face it. i cant even think about it. i cant breathe when i think about this. to lose him is like being thrown into the middle of the road and facing what ever it is that comes and takes my life away.

without him in my life, i fear that i will be lost. life would be meaningless and not worth to leave. i cant lose him for fear of losing myself.. i love him too much!

baby, without you, i wont be happy today. you picked up the broken pieces of my heart and made it whole again. please, dont ever leave me. i cant live without you. i love you so much baby.. now and forever, you own me, heart and soul..

xoxo <3

hey ppl!!

today i wanna share with you something.

life, as i've found out often enough, is never easy. the many times my heart was broken or where ive hurt some one, the problems i've face at home, school.. it tires the hell out of me and leaves me exhausted and frustrated with my life.

often i have thought about giving up and just standing in the middle of the road so that i dont have to face my life anymore. to just give up hope in myself and the people around me..

god however, never gave up hope on me. HE decided to give me the support and strength to go on with every failure that i encountered. through my churh youths, HE opened up my eyes and heart. and ever since i let HIM into my life, i have lived better. he did wonders for me. as long as i needed him and continued to be with HIM, HE will always be by my side and never let me go.

i thank HIM so much for everything that he has given to me. my life, every breath that i take, my family and friends, all the grace and blessings that HE has showered me with. and i especially thank HIM for giving me that special someone in my life.

to you who owns me, heart and soul,

never be afraid when i am not with you physically. baby, look for me in your heart as that is where i belong. no one else can take me away from you, and no one can take you away from me. the moment you entered my life, you have only brought me joy and happiness, words that can describe how much you mean to me. i will always LOVE  you no matter what happens.

so i pray to GOD that he will continue to to bless us and that he will protect us from eveil and harm and from people who wants to keep us apart. i pray that we will have a long and lasting relationshi[ always.

and i pray that god will shower his grace and blessings on you who reads this..

thats all for now. CIAOZ and GOD BLESS ALWAYS!!

xoxo <3