trying to find a place

we are just puzzle pieces. each part of our life is broken into many pieces of a perfect puzzle. when we mange to fit it all together, only then can we see the full picture.

i am still trying to fit mine together.

this past few weeks have proven to be a hard time for me. the past month itself has me thinking and rethinking, what is it that life wants from me? i am just a simple girl that dreams of a happily ever after.

that handphone case was the beginning of the end for me. 3 months of happiness, was that all i get? just 3 months?

first, i lost my sister in school. i cared for her. but i guess that wasnt enough for her. the lost of her handphone and replacing it was more important than me. i was just an insignificant person in her life. nothing more than just a junior to her. how much it hurted when she accused me, how much i cried that she'll come back, how much pain i hid from everyone? only god knows how much i cry to myself silently at night.

and if that wasnt enough. life it seemed was not satisfied with causing me that much grieve already.

it next decided to take my closest friends in school. away from me.. i still remember those first few weeks when we started form 6. how me and them were angry because we didnt get the school that we wanted. but as time moved on, and we each got to know the other students, we came to love the school and our new friends. we could not bear to leave. through it all, we remained the tightest and closest of friends.

but that all changed after that incident. i still remember how they told me that they didnt want tcertain peoople to come to that school because they couldnt stand them. how much that changes. it seems now, they prefer to hang with these people that they could not stand in the beginning. i've been pushed to the back. becoming a stranger to them. i can only wonder what has changed. even as the gained new friends, no one wants to accept me any more.

SO LONELY..

now.. life seems to try its best to take the person i love away from me too. the amount of times we've argued in the past month itself.. it drains me till i am so tired. it makes me feel like giving up all over again. maybe its my attitude that drives people away from me. especially the ones that i lov. i try to chsnge, but no matter what i do, it seems to be wrong.

IF ONLY I COULD GIVE UP..

but no. i wont. i made a promise to never leave him. and by giving up means i am breking that promise. plus, taking one's life is considered a sin. a big and unforgivable sin..

so here i am. back at square 1. once again trying to cope with wht life has given me. doing my best to just continue breathing, to continue being strong.

thank god he is always there for me. without him, i wouldnt have lived this long..